When I think about the 1980s, I remember neon colors, keyboard ties, and tight-rolled jeans. But for me, the distinguishing style of that decade is the big hair.
My heroine in the Major Bummer Murders series, Tiffany Sloan, is constantly losing her battle to achieve the perfectly teased and styled hair that was so popular in those days.
After much research, which involved watching a lot of MTV videos starring mid-1980s hair bands (I’m looking at you, Cinderella), I mastered the look. In case you ever find yourself in a time machine or at a costume party, I’ve listed the steps below for achieving perfect 1986 Mall Hair.
- Ensure you have the three essential tools: a curling iron, a pick or comb, and aerosol hairspray. The hairspray golden standard is of course, AquaNet. You can find the current version of AquaNet on Amazon, but for the real-deal vintage stuff, check eBay.
- Turn the curling iron on the highest possible setting. Walk away for about 30 minutes and go do something else until you remember with a shock that you had the curling iron plugged in. Make sure the curling iron is hot enough that if you accidentally touched it to your forehead for a fraction of a nanosecond, it would leave a burn that would last for at least a month.
- Bend over at the waist so that your hair is dangling upside-down. Spray the roots with AquaNet. Hang upside down for a good minute to let that dry.
- Flip back over and give yourself time to get over being dizzy from the amount of AquaNet you just inhaled while being upside-down.
- Beginning from the back of your crown, section off a piece of hair. Spray the roots with AquaNet. Yes, again.
- Place the curling iron on just the ends of the section of hair and turn the barrel so that the hair is being curled away from your face. Spray the curling iron and hair with AquaNet. Yes, it seems unsafe and probably is. Sorry, babe. This is the 80s.
- Keep the hair in the curling iron until the hair is sufficiently curled. You’ll know when it’s done when you begin to smell burning hair.
- Repeat this process until all of your hair is curled and you now measure three inches taller.
- Using the pick or comb, and excluding your bangs for now, tease your hair from the roots up. Spray with more AquaNet. If you’re not yet another inch taller, you’re not done yet.
- Use the pick to smooth out just the very exterior layer of hair. Lightly feather the curled hair at the top, ensuring no height has been lost. Spray with AquaNet. If indeed any height or volume has been lost, repeat steps 6 and 7.
- Ever so lightly, back-comb your bangs, aiming to achieve that ever elusive perfect feather, then spray with AquaNet. Remember here, height equals status.
- Spray your entire head of hair with AquaNet just to make sure everything sets. If you are unsure if you used enough AquaNet, spray some more. If it’s stiff and crispy and yet somehow also sticky, that’s the right amount.
Good luck and be sure to check out my upcoming series MAJOR BUMMER MURDERS, starting with book 1, Gag Me with a Spoon, which will be released on Amazon on January 4, 2022.
Sign up for my mailing list here to stay up-to-date with release information and special deals!